The Art of Window Shopping
For those of you familiar with my work, you would be correct to assume that this article is just another humorous little story. A story about women our age, and the things we experience as a “community” that bring a collective smile to our faces.
Well this time…..and just this time, I have decided to take the path of enlightenment as opposed to amusement.
Now, I’m not really focusing on Shopoholics here. That is a completely different and more serious syndrome (to be dealt with another time).
I’m talking about women, who more often than should, suffer from Buyers Remorse. A side affect most women try to conceal like a “fungal infection”.
The following bit of information should be considered required reading for every woman. And passed down like a coveted recipe from mother to daughter, from generation to generation. It concerns, “The Art Of Window Shopping”.
Ha! You say. What’s the big deal? Anyone can do that. No need for instruction.
And I suppose there are a few of you out there with the will power to leave the mall free of articles with hanging tags. But I’m not one of them. So for those of you like me, who sometimes “really” do want to come home empty handed, this is for you….
Dressing to window shop.
It is imperative to always leave your home in complicated attire. This means clothes that button, not zip (and preferably in the back). Required body contortions can be a deterrent for even the most determined of shoppers. If the season calls for it, layer. There is nothing worse than having to peel off 3 layers of clothing while trying to accommodate a hot flash in a tiny cubicle with no place to sit down.
Also, wear unflattering underwear. It is easier to look at ones self in the mirror in silky black high cut bikini panties than in a pair of oversized, cotton, high-waisted granny drawers.
And make sure your shoes are ones that are difficult to put on and take off. Boots are a good choice. Or choose shoes that require you to bend over and buckle. No mules, slip ons, or flip-flops….way too easy.
Do not carry a comb, brush, or pick in your purse when window shopping. All women will think twice before trying on an article that will muss their hair if they know they are without these items.
And most importantly, leave the “plastic” home (no need to elaborate).
Okay, that covers the part before you reach the department store.
Once you are in…follow this strategy.
If you happen to be in a store that provides carts, do not take one! If you have to carry around your prospects, you are less likely to pick them up. Also, for some unknown reason, women are more inclined to stand in line and purchase a cart full of unwanted frivolous items, than walk around the store replacing them. So no carts.
When shopping in better department stores, more discipline is required. Clothing displayed in these stores is done in such a provocative way; it can lead even the most savvy of shoppers into believing that they too, like the “zero size” headless mannequin, would look amazing in a tight fitting, waist cinching neon green sweater! (Dangling earrings not included). So be warned.
And if you do find a separate (a top or bottom) that is to die for, ask yourself. What do I already own that I could pair it with? Because you know the trap, one great find begets another! If nothing comes to mind, put it down.
When in “Housewares” and are drawn to something you consider unique or avant-garde, consider this. Will the purchase of this one piece require the repainting, rearranging, or updating of the room it will occupy? In cases like these, the piece is overpriced… regardless of cost.
Or if an item is Seasonal, do you have a place to store it when not in use? Too many of us ignore this dilemma when “Holiday” shopping.
Another deterrent, will this item need frequent dusting? I have been known to pass up the perfect knickknack if it contained too many crevices for dust to accumulate. Not that I am a fussy housekeeper. I just don’t want to feel guilty for ignoring it. And ladies, leave your “girly sized” tape measures at home. If you aren’t sure of the appropriate dimensions, you are less inclined to buy it.
Also, purchasing things under the guise of “being helpful” is a bust. Let your daughter pick out her own bathroom towels. No matter if they are 70% off and a good label! She will probably end up returning them anyhow!
The final test is to ask yourself, if I bring this item home, will it remain in the car until the coast is clear? And when it does make it into the house, will it find a place under the bed next to other impulse purchases? Or can I proudly display this item in front of the whole family and announce that it is a Need, not a Want!
Now I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
Window Shopping is an Art. And it should be consciously practiced and learned.
And if you become good at it, it should never cost you more than the price of gas to and from the mall. Think of it. No more guilt. No more regrets. And no more mad dashes back to the store to return things.
Hopefully, for those of you who too often suffer from Buyers Remorse, this article will have been helpful. And you too after time, will master the “Art of Window Shopping”. And for the rest of you out there (in denial) what the heck!
Happy Hunting!!
